31 de out de 2011

Mark Twain was SO right about Hell...

The Corsair (contribuição de Bea)

African Dictator Chic

As an immigrant from Uganda (a refugee from Idi Amin Dada's surreal Uganda-in-the-1970s),The Corsair has a particular white-hot disdain for African dictators, the soi-disant "Big Men of Africa." It's personal. They have cost the continent untold lives. And, worst of all, African dictators have no "chic." If power corrupts, then absolute power negates taste absolutely.


(image via timeinc)

The wonderful David Patrick Columbia and The Corsair had lunch at Michael's yesterday (Isaac Mizrahiin a hurry, waved hello; as did Joan Parker of DeBeers), and the conversation touched on his inspired "Best Dressed List," which, apparently, has prompted a lot of email -- both pro and con -- to NySocialDiary.

So, The Corsair thought, what about these dictators? How does one acquire "African Dictator chic"? And, is there such a thing, if it even exists, desirable? Well, no, it's not; but we'll tell you about it anyway.

So ... you wanna be an African tyrant. here's what you'll need:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Perspiring Dictator Charles Taylor appeals to the tender cooling mercies of a moist towelette. (image via worldpress) 

1) The African Dictator is in a perpetual state of sweat. Although Sophocles never included flopsweat in his stage directions, you can be pretty sure Oedipus Tyrannus carried with him a washcloth. And no -- not just because it is "Africa hott," but also because, quite frankly, the commonweal is looking, always, for an opportunity to go all (ironic finger quotes) "Caucescu" on your corrupt tyrannical ass. A little paranoia, the dictator knows, will wreak havoc on the sweat glands.


A scowling Daniel Arap Moi of Kenya, and his trusty cane/scepter. (image via nationalmedia)

2) You must have a cane/scepter. That's crucial. It ought to have silver; all the better if the silver is mined from the natural resources of the dictators own impoverished country, and fashioned by a silversmith in Europe. Canes as symbols of African power and oppression of the uppity citizenry are hot. The Corsair does not quite know why, though. It may have something to do with a "colonial complex." African dictators tend to dress -- oddly -- after the manner of the Edwardian dandy, circa 1898.


(image via ccinemur.be)

3) The Belgian Chateaux. The Swiss (1970s) and Russian hookers (late 1990s-2000s) are a given, as is the Mercedes Benzes and the cases of Johnny Walker Blue delivered to friends of the regime, but an African dictator is not entirely complete without the requisite Belgian chateaux (Averted Gaze). The Belgian chateaux being, of course, only a shade more ostentatiously "classy" than the Portuguese Golf resort (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment).

Muammar el Gaddafi

(image via nndb)

4) Martial-style. It is never entirely inappropriate to let the hoi polloi, those unwashed uneducated masses, know just who is the Commander in Chief (Or, in the lamentable case of Idi Amin, "His Excellency, President for Life Field Marshall Al Hadj Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC. Lord of all the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular"). Adopting an ostentatiously martial style projects an adolescent idealization of "strength" in the same way that the "over-teased hair" sported by Eastern European bureaucrats in the 1970s and Korean dictators of today do (Russell Crowe would understand the motivation).


(image via mabus)

5) Be Big. Megalomania is next to Godliness in the Dictator mindset. The effective African tyrant wears big colors -- Ghadaffi fears the color green, loves vermillion and pink. Everyone knows that dictators had ruinous, broken childhoods, like porn-stars. No psychologically healthy and well integrated adult personality would decide, on a whim, to take control of an emerging country's GDP and declare it to be, henceforth, his own checking account. Okay, aside from fuckingKissinger.

But The Corsair digresses. As a result of that early brokenness, the future autocrat -- whether in a destitute orphanage, or in some war-ravaged bush -- learned that "power" is achieved through throwing the biggest tantrum, stealing the most food, bullying the most boys and organizing them into his subordinates. This is essentially a regression into animal and not human behavior. And, if the future dictator is successful as a child in this endeavor, he will continue, through military channels, eventually taking over his jhost country -- or dying in the process -- and, ultimately, imploding in some megalomaniacal scheme to rule the region (Sadaam), or the world (Hitler). That's what the diplomatic strategy of containment was all about: containing the diseased regime, hastening its own collapse from internal contradiction.


Shady military general confers with thugocrat Mugabe. (image via worldpress)

6) Always Bring Things Back to ColonialismZimbabwe is like Sophocles' Thebes. The monsterous Robert Mugabe, currently a goddamned Sinophile (China is now, for all intents and purposes, the Anti-America, capitalizing on every diplomatic misstep of the Bush administration), he is expert at diverting attention from his horrific management of Zimbabwe by bringing up European colonialism and the post-colonial white farmers -- who, by The Corsair's reckoning are by no means squeaky-clean in all this (despite what the Tory British press says).

So, if you ask Mugabe, sweetly, what he is doing about that Oedipal plague, AIDS, which infects 1/3 of the country, he will talk of British colonialism (The Corsair sips his Campari and soda); if you ask why half of his country is impoverished, he brings up the white farmers (The Corsair sparks a Sobranie). It is a brilliantly evil game, played with serpentine precision, and if one's attention span is short, or if one is given to emotion, Mugabe will seduce you, making you forget that he is running Zimbabwe into the ground, and that he operates in the interests of his own wealth and continued power.


Fortuitous displays of Nigerian power. (image via gov.ru )

7) Pimp Hard. Dictators -- like the Nigerian junta -- convert the natural resources of a country into quick cash by selling the rights to corrupt corporations (and, in the process, cutting themselves a sweet slice of the action). The corporation gets, in turn, cheap labor, and the military of the country -- like the Nigerian junta -- as bodyguards. The corporation leaves, in due time, environmental havoc and unmarked mass graves. The gameplan is very simple, very "Oceans-11" -- hit it, then quit it; hopefully, make a cool billion, then move on to Monte Carlo before the next military junta take over and it all ends in the tragedy of Shakespearean succession. Cool de la?

26 de out de 2011

Start spreading the news..


Tenho news, finally!
The good:
- Vou pra nyc semana que vem!!! Estou toda animadinha hihi!!!
- Não tomei um fatality na aula de redação hoje!
- Estou gastando todo o meu tempo livre pensando em coisas imperdíveis em nyc.

The bad:
- Vão cancelar o meu email de Columbia, então eu CHOREI.
- Eu estou repensando minhas choices, mas a perspectiva é negra..
- O Juju está carente e eu estou com preguiça de sair com ele.
- Eu comi uma tonelada de guacamole e nunca vou conseguir fazer uma dieta de 1200 calorias.

And the queen: Blame It All On Me, meu novo hit da semana.

Other than that, tem festinha chegando, simuladenho amanhã e comprinhas para a viagem.

Eu não tenho lido nada de interessante nos últimos tempos, mas, visto que eu estou postando super pouco - mas talvez na semana que vem eu tenha super fotenhas! -, achei que cabia pelo menos uma listinha dos últimos filmes que eu vi, néam?

Olha, correndo o risco de parecer ainda mais dorky do que o de costume, eu super curti, viu? Tem uma pegadinha guerra fria, que eu, como a boa internacionalista que sou, adoro. É super bonito e tem uns takes super quadrinhos, super bem feitos. Além disso, o filme é simplesmente fun, de forma geral. Eu suuuper pegava o Xavier, viu?
Tem uma falha, though... The Beast é um gênio e consegue, ainda que não tenha acertado a mão, até manipular o DNA, mas ninguém consegue, em todas as décadas de X-Men, tirar o Xavier da cadeira de rodas... Seriously? Os caras entendem fenômenos paranormais, têm toneladas de tecnologia e roupitchas com acessórios e controle de energia e blá, mas ninguém consegue cuidar de uma lesão medular? Enfim, just a thought...

Esse daqui foi aquela história... Eu vi esse trailer e achei super têressantzi, mas a execução deixa um pouquinho a desejar. Tem todo um lance de passividade e de ver até que ponto a menina está disposta a fazer coisas creepy, mas falta um pouquinho de história e, embora o filme levante vários temas interessantes, ele é meio perdido, de modo que nem chega a problematizar realmente as coisas, só joga uns tabus em fundos bonitos. Parece confuso, mas é que o filme é meio perdido, mesmo. Apesar disso tudo, a história é bem filmada e não cai no brega, o que seria meio fácil com esse tipo de tema.

Esse daqui é simplesmente nonsense, mas não funny nonsense, tipo o Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, só nonsense mesmo. O trailer engana bem. Eu sabia que não ia ser maravilhoso, mas achei que pudesse ser pelo menos meio engraçado e talvez levemente interessante..

Bom, por hoje é só, pessoal!

17 de out de 2011

Well, well...

Eu ainda não fiz muita coisa da minha lista ainda, sabe? Mas prometo que estou pensando com força nisso...

Eu super andei lendo artigos sobre como "achieve your goals" - free self-help, I mean, how bad can it be? - e estou planejando com calma as coisas, embora os conselhos encontrados sejam mais no sentido de DO SOMETHING and don't overthink it...
Be the ball? Maybe later...

Anyways, tirando isso, todo o resto vai bem.

Eu tenho mil coisas pra fazer hoje, estou aqui com o geleinha, que esta dormindo horrores enrolado nas cobertas, e assistindo coisas que estão destruindo meus neurônios, but I can't help it...

Mando mais news assim que tiver alguma coisa fun pra contar, promise!


14 de out de 2011

I Know..

It's been a while, I know..

Acho que já estou acostumada à nova vida, que consiste em:

- Aula de manhã de terça à sexta;
- Passeio e brincadeirinhas com Juju;
- Limpar as graças do Juju..
- Soneca;
- Estudos/seriados/facebook/comida/estudos?/sites aleatórios/facebook...
- Bedtime.
- Absolutamente nada + comida + tv nos finais de semana

Por ter encontrado uma rotina e por dar conta dela, eu me cansei, lógico, e estou começando a ficar entediada. Tive mais uma conversinha com a Nãx, que me lembrou da última conversa, onde eu fui bombardeada de "insightful comments" sobre as minhas manias de querer controlar as coisas e de "maximizar a vida". 

Para quem acha que eu sou exagerada, aqui fica a dica do blog em que são reunidas várias to-do lists around the world. Basicamente, as listas variam de groceries até o namorado perfeito em Jakarta:

1. I never want a guy who has hurt me with or without any purpose.
2. I never want a guy who’s the same age as me. At least he is born in 1981.
3. He always rides a car or a motorcycle.
4. He has been working in a company. Bachelor in Information Technologies, Information Systems, Information Managements, Graphic Designs, and Architecture Engineering with minimum GPA 2,8 out of 4,0 is highly recommended.
5. Has an ideal weight, chubby is more preferred. Doesn’t have to be charming but he has to be good looking (has a good sense in fashion is highly recommended) has a good voice, call and send text regularly, humorist and communicative.
6. He has to be faithful. I don’t want a guy who like flirting to another girl and has an other “too close girlfriends.”
7. He lives in West Jakarta (Kebon Jeruk region is highly recommended). Tangerang is included.

Eu amei, porque é bastante reconfortante descobrir que você (tá, eu) não é completamente neurótica, mas só um pouco, que na verdade é uma quantidade que pode ser bastante aceitável quando observados os referenciais corretos, ou pelo menos mais inclusivos..

Essa é de uma mina surtando antes de fazer 30 anos..

E, finalmente, a minha lista (até o final do ano com itens repetidos?):

Ademais, encontrar alguma coisa extra que:
a) Não seja totalmente time-consuming;
b) Seja minimamente intêressantzi;
c) Fique bem com o meu perfil (adoooro essa palavra, mas pode ser seqüela - sim, trema - de scpo...)

E, de quebra, ainda tenho que ver o que vou fazer com o Il Giulianno se eu ficar fora de casa.

Além desses major projects, tem outras coisas na minha vida, néam? Basicamente, show do KoC em dezembro , possível viagem em novembro, planos de praia e de ficar triloca (como sempre) e muito estudo (not).

Anyways, sorry for taking so long... É que, nas palavras da Letícia, eu "estava achando um novo rumo" e o blog acaba "ficando com outra cara" mesmo.

Besos calientitos para os que ainda entram aqui,